This portion of the text was written immediately after my graduation:
So for those that still don’t know, i graduated my Secondary Higher Education last week.
At the least in Denmark two things are certain; one you are gonna spend about a week in a constant haze of intoxication, second you are gonna spend the next week curing hangovers and freaking out about the choices you’ll have to make. I done one and are starting the second.
I’m seriously freaking out over the slight possibility that i have reached my peak, that i’m somehow burn out at 19. I know that if anybody at 25+ is reading this, they are probably laughing their ass off right now.
So what happened?
Well at first something incredibly nice happened, i got a full time gig at a sandwich joint and it all looked like i actually could do what i wanted to do, take a year of saving up some money and go to a music boarding-type of school, for once in my life, i had no complains everything worked just fine for me.
Then what always happens happened, i got screwed over. After two weeks working, my boss called me and told me that despite i was promised 30 hours a week, they couldn’t give me that, they in fact didn’t need me at all. She told me that i could get a place as a replacement, but chances where i wouldn’t get more then a couple of shifts every other month. Now i had two choices the hell of the Danish unemployment program or my back up study, it was both an easy and the hardest choice i ever made. Easy because there where no way in hell i was going to the unemployment line if it could be avoid, that system bout as broke as it gets.
It was a hard choice, because for the first time since i “found out” what i wanted to, i had to actively postpone it. I tell you, i haven’t felt worse in my life, it even hurts a bit to put this in word, it felt and still feels like i was one step away from the prize and then all of a sudden it was all taken away from me. Now i know that that’s not the truth, it’s still entirely possible for me to do all this later, but none-the-less it felt like that.
At the time of writing i’m started at collage, it’s not bad, i actually like it quite a bit. It’s quite an environmental change for me, i went from talking about drinking, smoking and women most of the time, to discussing policy, politics and sociology. I always been a political guy (for most of you, that’s probably not a big surprise), but i never been around so many guys and girls that actually care about all of this stuff.
Now for it all to be good now would be a bit to much of a movie ending for being real and it isn’t, the story sadly doesn’t end there.
See in the middle of all this, my parents decided to split up, they grew apart and i’m just glad they can part as friends. All in all i think interesting is a good word to describe this summer, it’s not been hell like the last time, i been working through, doing a lot of stuff and now i got tons of stuff to keep me busy (40+ pages of reading for a lecture, we had one night, the same night that there was a starter party).
I’m still a bit in recovery, but all in all i think i’m okay, i mean of course it still hurts like hell when i think about what i’m gonna do, but as long as i keep focus on today and tomorrow i get by, once i get a bit more control of the situation i may be able to work on what to do about all my dreams and get a bit back to music, but for now you’ll find my with a book about practical statistics and problem based learning (yeah it’s as boring as it sounds) and a large cup of coffee.
Anyway what do i want with this post, well not sure, i really just started writing this because i needed to write and for whatever reason i chose to write here, but if i where to point out what i learned by this, it would be not to get ahead of yourself, you may think you are only a step from the prize, but be prepared stuff change fast and we are rarely the master of it, don’t do what i did when i got that job, prepare for the worse, it suck ain’t gonna lie, but in the end it sucks a hell of a lot more to feel like you been cheated out of your dream because you got screwed over.
In the end life isn’t a straight path, who knows maybe in 10 years i’ll be cutting tracks for a living and looking back on this moment and see that this was in fact the right way to go, maybe i be working in some organisation and just cut tracks in the weekend and still love it, maybe i be on the bench in the park with a pack of smokes and a six pack of beer. I don’t know, i don’t care, all i know i’m not done, ca 2 months ago i asked myself if had peaked already, now i know i haven’t i’m not even halfway, will i reach the top? Yes. The thing is that you don’t know what the top is, maybe your dreams will change, maybe you will give in and find another way of life then you think, maybe you will become a star, maybe you won’t. All i can say is that i’m 100 % sure that i’m gonna keep at it, i haven’t peaked yet, but i will.
On that happy little note i will now leave you with a link to a new free mixtape from one of my favorite rappers, it’s really good, i at least like it.